As we said in our previous post, we all feel angry sometimes and there’s nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately if you don’t deal with your anger is can lead to negative and even violent behaviour.
One of the things a lot of people struggle with is expressing their anger constructively to other people. When we work with young people who have anger management issues we look at how you can tell people how you’re feeling without being aggressive, hurtful, or insulting.
Here’s how to express your anger constructively in a conversation and some examples of what to say:
Start positively and be direct
For example, “I want to let you know that…”
Say how angry you are
For example, “I am feeling irritated…” or “I am becoming very angry…”
Don’t blame others for your angry feelings
For example, don’t say “You are making me angry”. Try saying, “I get angry when you…”
If you feel anxious, say so
For example, “I am worried about telling you this because you may think it’s nothing…”
Acknowledge your responsibility
For example, “I know I may be over-reacting as I am under a lot of pressure, however…”
Stay in the present
It’s not helpful to keep bringing up situations that have happened in the past. Stick with what is making you angry now.
Criticise behaviour, not the person
No one likes to hear “You’re selfish”, so try to say how you feel in another way. For example, “I felt that it was selfish of you not to consider my needs…”
Be specific and realistic in your requests
For example, “I would like you to stop making so much noise when I am working” sounds better than “You’re so noisy” or just, “Shut up”
When you’re feeling angry and trying to express this, it’s not the time for jokes.
Don’t make threats you aren’t prepared to carry out
When anger escalates we can end up saying things we don’t mean and threaten to do things we’d never actually do. Making idle threats will only make the situation worse so don’t make them – simples!
If you think you would benefit from any of our services you can get in touch by calling 023 8086 4231 for more information about how our trained staff can help you.