"I've not had sex yet but all my friends say they have - am I normal?"

In a word YES - you are normal. Recent surveys have shown that most young people do not have sex until after they are 16 years old. Despite what is said and often boasted about, many young people choose to wait until they are older and feel more secure in longer term relationships before they decide to have sex. No one should ever feel pressured in to having sex no matter how old they are. The legal age to consent to having sex is 16 years as young people continue to grow physically, mentally and   emotionally into their late teens.

"How do you turn someone down without hurting their feelings?"

This is about being honest with yourself and honest with the other person. Both partners should only agree to have sex when they feel ready and comfortable - this doesn't mean that you don't have feelings for or love the other person, it's more about being secure in a relationship and both being confident about taking that next step. It may hurt their feelings a bit to know that you aren't ready yet, but it could hurt their feelings more and your relationship (let alone affect your own emotions / self esteem) if you go ahead and have sex when it's really not something you are happy about. Talk about it together and consider all the possible outcomes like unplanned pregnancy, STI's and using contraception. If your partner really cares for you they will respect your feelings and wait until you are ready too.  You shouldn't have sex just to please the other person.

"Why give out contraception (condoms) to under 16's when it is illegal to have sex?"

Good question - we know that most young people choose not to have sex until after they are 16 years old, but we also know that there are sexually active young people below that age. Therefore, in order to keep them safe an advisor may give condoms to young people below the "legal age of consent". However, before giving out condoms, advisors must check out that young people know how to use condoms correctly and are aware of the risks involved in having sex (unplanned pregnancy, transmission or STI's, regret or abuse). The advisor might demonstrate how to use condoms and warn young people about the use of oil based lubricants (which perish the latex condoms). They will also want to ensure that a young person is not feeling pressured in to having sex, being persuaded to do something they are not happy about or being abused by another person. Young people will generally be encouraged to talk about sex and relationships with their parents or another trusted adult and to think carefully about the decisions they make and how this might affect their future lives.

"Where can I get condoms from?"

Other then from the shops and slot machines (which can be expensive) free condoms can be obtained from sexual health / family planning clinics. Some Connexions Advisors and Youth Workers may be trained to give out condoms or you can get them at It's Your Choice Drop In's . To find a full list visit www.getiton.nhs.uk  - it also has other great advice about other sexual health services locally. 

"I've heard that you shouldn't use baby oil with condoms - why not?"

Any oil based product (baby oil, Vaseline, lip balms, lipsticks, massage oils and some beauty products like body lotions, shower gels, hand creams etc)
can perish (rot) a condom very quickly and cause it to split or break.
Some people may wish to use lubricants to make penetration easier and more comfortable, but they should always use water based lubricants designed for that purpose such as KY jelly, Liquid Silk, Lifestyle or Pasante Light lube. This may be available from chemists or free from sexual health clinics.

"I want to go on the pill, but I'm worried my doctor will tell my mum?"

When you visit your doctor (GP) they will keep your appointment confidential which means they are not allowed to tell anyone why you have been to see them - this does include your parents. However, before prescribing any contraception, your doctor will need to check out that medically you are fit and healthy. If you are under 16 years old they will also want to ensure that you understand the risks of having sex and you are not being pressured in to doing anything you are unhappy or unsure of (see questions no.1 for more info). A bit embarrassing perhaps, but your doctor will be quite used to talking about this. They may encourage you to speak to your parents and think carefully about the choices you are making. You may want to think carefully about why you are so worried your parents might find out and what this means!